Inevitable
by devilish-details
Summary: When Rachel finds out that Quinn is a drug addict, she tries to do what's best for the blonde. Will Quinn get clean or is she already too far gone? Faberry. Rated M for rather graphic drug use.
1. Cure for Pain

Title: Inevitable

Summary: When Rachel finds out that Quinn is a drug addict, she tries to do what's best for the blonde. Will Quinn get clean or is she already too far gone?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ideas. Simply borrowing the characters. I swear I'll give them back when I'm done.

Author's Note: I just want to go ahead and admit that this is written from a lot of personal experience. It will most likely move fast and be quite dramatic in the beginning, but only because that's how it happens when you or someone very close to you is using these types of drugs. It'll be about as realistic as my experience. By the way... While I've been discretely reading fanfic on and off for the past few years, I have yet to write. This… obviously… is me writing. I ask that you be kind and honest when reviewing. I'm totally good with constructive criticism. But …I'm not sure If I'm going to just leave this open ended and let you guys decide what happened or if I'm going to continue. But whether or not I continue this is totally up to the response that I get. Please Review and let me know what you thinkJ

Songs: For You by Passenger, Cure for Pain by Morphine

* * *

Not a single person Quinn went to school with knew why she was thrown off the cheerios in sophomore year, but they had all noticed the change. The way she talked, walked, and even interacted was almost... corrupt. Some insisted that she was going insane. Some said she was heartbroken over Finn leaving her for Rachel and had gone off the deep end. Some even speculated that she was seeing an older man. Somewhere deep down Rachel always knew what had changed with Quinn, but she couldn't bring herself to admit it. To herself or anyone else. Definitely not Quinn.

Quinn had never been the sweetest girl, but everyone noticed that she began attacking Rachel more viciously during junior year. Her jabs became much more personal... When the girl managed to speak anyways. Something about the blonde always seemed to be tied up as if she were doing her best to hide from the world while still staying in school. She always seemed anxious and sometimes even seemed afraid. At one point Rachel researched schizophrenia, but there wasn't a single realistic reason she was willing to accept that explained the new Quinn. Or rather, the most recent Quinn. The change was hardly drastic enough to warrant the description of _new. _

Everyone knew that Quinn didn't have the happiest of home lives. They would have had to have been blind to not realize the girl's parents were never anywhere around. Her mother had left her alcoholic father while she was still in middle school. No one was sure of the reason for that either. Quinn kept herself locked up tight. Never giving her emotions away freely. She refused to talk about what had happened with her family. She merely dismissed it until people finally left her alone; her remaining family included.

Her father became increasingly withdrawn and took long business trips. During the Summer before her sophomore year, she found something to fill her time and empty her wallet.

Drugs.

It started off innocently enough with the occasional joint and a party here or there, but by the time she reached her junior year her use was the farthest thing from occasional. And pot was the farthest drug from her mind.

It didn't take long for her to start losing weight and looking tired. Her new favorite thing was taking its toll and quickly. Her hair lost its shine, and she began to let herself go. Her clothes were far from form fitting, and her conversations were basically non existent. The ones she did have were bizarre to the point that people started to actively avoid her. Especially the Glee club.

Rachel was the only one who still shared concern for the blonde, and she was often ridiculed for it. While, she was afraid to approach her, she still cared. She knew there was more to what the girl was going through and she wanted to be sure that she was there for Quinn if the girl ever decided to rejoin the world of the living,

If Rachel had any idea of how _dead_ Quinn really was, she would have acted sooner. Or ran. The brunette's perspective of Quinn had always been clouded due to her more than friendly attraction to the girl, but whether or not that would have been enough to keep her around would have been debatable.

Eventually, Rachel noticed Quinn start to change even more. Her clothing often looked as if it were borrowed from someone else's closet and she was almost always entirely unkempt. Her eyes were always blown and bloodshot. She was constantly spaced out as if she was looking through everything her eyes landed on. Sometimes, her expressions gave Rachel the impression that she was seeing things that weren't actually there. But what could Rachel do? Say "Hey, Quinn? Why do you look so terrified of that chair? Finn isn't even in the room." She wasn't stupid. She knew that no matter what she said Quinn would attack her, She always had. Quinn was impenetrable. And Rachel relied too heavily on logic to hope for more than misplaced anger.

By the time Christmas of junior year rolled around Quinn seemed to be an entirely different person than when high school began. She was failing all of her classes and hardly ever showed up to school. Her paranoia had started eating away at her, and her awareness of Rachel's desire to help her was making it worse.

If Quinn's guilt was a plant, Rachel was feeding it bucketfuls of miracle grow.

With everything that the young girl was trying to hide you would think she'd have broken sooner, but It wasn't until April of junior year that the blonde truly broke down. It was just her luck that Rachel happened to be there.

"Why can't you just be like everyone else?! Why are you so-so-so you?!"

Rachel walked into the girl's bathroom to find Quinn sitting in the fetal position against the wall. Her breathing seemed heavy and her shoulders were trembling.

"Just do it. Just man up and do it! You're hydrated. It won't be as bad this time." She looked up and was shocked to see the Diva standing only a few feet from her. "Not now, Berry. I don't have time for your superhero antics right now." She sighed tiredly and rested her head on her knees.

"Will you please just talk to me? Just once? I know that you hate me or whatever. I'm just Manhands to you." She started tracing the grout between the tiles. "But I care. Will you just let me care? Please?"

"I-I'm fine. I'm fine. Don't worry about me okay? I'm fine. Really, I'm fine." Her reply was urgent and desperate, and Rachel knew she was trying to convince the both of them. Her normally soft voice was so scratchy that Rachel actually considered giving her some of the hot peppermint tea she'd gotten on the way to school.

She quickly decided that now was not the time for forced conversation. No matter how worried she was about the girl, her bladder was only a syllable or two away from bursting all over the bathroom floor. _What would Quinn say about me then? _The thought rushed her to the stall farthest from the blonde. She sat down and her mind went wild.

_Why does she have to hate me so much? She hasn't even really bothered to truly socialize with anyone else in over a year. Why can't she just talk to me? _Rachel rolled her eyes at the absurdity of her ever being special to Quinn_. Like I would ever be lucky enough for her to look past her own selfishness long enough to acknowledge me as anything other than an enemy. _

Rachel washed her hands thoroughly and after drying her hands she stood examining herself in the mirror. She had actually forgotten that anyone else was in the bathroom and nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a soft sob. She made her way to the stall door. "Quinn, talk to me. Let me in. Something…"

The girl spoke through distraught cries, "Why do you even give a shit? I don't understand. There is nothing I can do for you, Rachel! I can barely breathe most days…" Rachel's heart resisted its urge to crawl down her body and die upon the floor. How lost had Quinn become?

"I care because you obviously deserve better than you are giving yourself. " Her honest response shocked them both, but caused the blonde to start bawling her eyes out after offering a broken response. "You don't know what I deserve…"

When Rachel took another step forward and placed her hand on the stall door, it swung open to reveal a shocked Quinn sitting in front of the toilet.

She was holding a syringe.

"Oh my god." Rachel's hand shot up to try and hold back a sob. Silent tears began running down her cheeks.

The broken girl sitting on the floor looked shocked and guilty. Once she recovered from the initial shock, her face scrunched up.

Quinn shot the dirty looking liquid into the toilet and tossed the rig into the trash. Neither one of the girls could believe she had just done that. Quinn because she wasn't far from a crash of explosive proportions and Rachel because everything she had ever been taught to believe about people who did drugs told her that they wouldn't just throw them away like that. The drugs were supposed to be the most important thing to them.

Suddenly, Rachel dropped to her knees and pulled the blonde into her arms. "It's going to be okay. I promise." Quinn's arms wrapped around her tightly and gave Rachel the incentive she needed to speak again. "Let me take you home."

The blonde's reply came out as a whisper, but it was definitely said. It hung in the air beautifully. As if Rachel hadn't actually seen Quinn Fabray with a syringe poised to pierce her skin. For a moment, the brunette thought she had hallucinated, but it was definitely reality. "If you promise not to leave me."

"I promise, Sweetheart. I promise."

They sat like that for a few more minutes with Rachel running her hands through long blonde locks while the wet spot on her shirt grew. "Are you ready to go? Do you have anything that you need to go grab? I still have to get my stuff from class…"

"Since when have you seen me _without_ my messenger bag?" She lifted it up in demonstration. "Better yet… when was the last time you actually saw me in class?" The reply was rather snarky but it was somewhat warranted, and they both let out a small laugh despite the many vicious looking elephants hanging out around them.

"Valid point, milady."

The blonde sat up and looked at Rachel incredulously before rolling her eyes. "Who the fuck other than you actually says milady?" She rose to her feet and grabbed her jacket off of the hook and the needle out of the trash. She knew exactly what Rachel was thinking and continued to bend the needle before capping it again. "I can't just leave it in the trash. If someone finds it, there'll be a fucking witch hunt and I'll be the first one they tie rocks to." She reached her hand out to Rachel and helped her up. The blonde didn't seem to notice how close they were but the brunette was painfully aware.

"Give me your keys." Quinn's jaw hit the floor with a thud.

"Excuse me?"

She spoke with authority as she held out her hand expectantly. "I don't trust you to not leave and after what I just saw I'll be damned if I let you out of my sight so soon. Please, just give me your keys." Even though she instructed the girl to do it, she was entirely stunned when she felt the keys be placed in her palm. "Thank you."

"I would say you're welcome, but I'm really not okay with the fact that you're being so demanding right now. I kind of want to tell you to fuck off actually." Quinn was surprised that she had actually said that out loud and blanched at the hurt look on the beautiful brunettes face. "Sorry. That was harsh."

"Really? I hadn't noticed." Her voice dripped with enough sarcasm that one could assume she'd become accustomed to swallowing massive amounts of the bitter liquid on the daily. "I'll be right back." She got to the hallway before turning back around and grabbing Quinn's hand. "Better yet. You're coming with me."

After they got Rachel's things, they headed down the hallway towards the parking lot. The trek was silent until they heard Finn's angry voice from behind them. "Rachel, what the hell are you doing with her? We have Glee today." She didn't reply and urged Quinn to continue walking. They ignored the shouts of "Rachel" that lingered behind them.

* * *

After they pulled into Quinn's driveway and got out of the car, the blonde leaned against the door. She had just remembered how bad her house looked. She'd lost something the day before and tore the entire house apart. Forget the rest of her house… her room? There's no way Rachel wouldn't be seriously disturbed by the state of her bedroom.

"Rachel, I need you to go home."

"No."

"What do you mean? This is my house! I don't want you here, Rachel. So, fucking go." She tried to squeeze into the house without allowing the shorter girl entrance, but the girl forced her way in. "Damn it, Rachel." She started to tear up and turned away to avoid what she knew to be a look of disgust. "I didn't want you to see this." After a few minutes of waiting for some form of movement, Rachel stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder. The blonde jumped and looked at Rachel with an extremely vacant expression.

"Quinn? Quinn…. Quinn? Hello?" The blonde didn't respond until Rachel put her hand to her cheek. The girl jumped again and on a massive level. "Quinn are you okay?"

"How long have we been standing here? Did I just fall asleep?" She looked confused. "Fuck, I need to go to bed."

She started making her way up the stairs while Rachel followed. Neither could help but notice the damage: knocked over televisions, kitchen items thrown about, pillows everywhere, movie cases open and tiling the floor. It wasn't until Rachel saw Quinn's room that she really got concerned about what drugs the girl had been doing.

Some of the windows had been encased in duct tape with little holes left to peek through the blinds. The carpet had been torn up in some places and boards were taken up. Trim had been removed and the walls were covered in photographs and writing. Some of which she recognized as lyrics. There were electronic parts scattered all over the floor. Rachel realized what the place needed. _Disaster relief. FEMA. Something…_

Rachel was drawn from her thoughts by a tug on her hand. "Sorry." She blushed when she realized she had probably embarrassed the blonde by staring at the mess.

"I'm going to lie down once I find my bed under all this shit." She looked towards the corner of the room covered in arts supplies rather hopelessly. _I'm guessing that's the direction of the bed. Her bed. Oh shit. _She couldn't believe it took her so long to realize that she would probably be lying down with Quinn while she slept.

Quinn walked over to the corner and grabbed a corner of the sheet. In one swift movement she freed the bed of it's decorations. "Could you go grab a blanket and some clean sheets from the hall closet?"

After the bed was made up, Quinn immediately dropped onto the single mattress which lay on the floor. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I understand."

"A promise is a promise."

"And most people have no problem breaking them." Quinn said pointedly.

"Haven't we been over this a million times already? Rachel Berry is one of a kind. I'm not most. I am far from average, Quinn. I would think you'd have already noticed." She looked hurt. "You've practically compared me to-to… I don't know. Finn." She huffed.

"Finn breaks his promises. Always has, always will. Just because you might not keep a promise or two doesn't mean you're anything like him." The brunette smiled making the other girl realize what she had just said. "Okay, fine. I get it. Finn lies because _he is most_. You don't because you're not. End of debate. Sleep time."

After a few minutes of feeling spacey and waiting for Rachel to get into bed, Quinn reopened her eyes and found the girl shifting nervously from foot to foot. She pulled back the covers and softly patted the bed. "Come on. Lie with me."

Rachel was sure she'd had a stroke. Or maybe she was already sleeping. Maybe this was dream Quinn. Nevertheless, she did as she was told.

"Do you think you could sing for me, Rach?"

Her heart started pounding. Surely, Quinn was still high. Maybe Rachel was high. Someone was definitely off their shit because when was the last time someone actually askedRachel to sing _for them_ and not for a competition? "What do you want me to sing?"

"Sing how you feel. You've always been good at that.."

Rachel instantly knew what song she would sing… She took a deep breath to settle herself. Hopefully, Quinn would finally understand that she can't just walk away and let her hurt herself the way she has been.

_For you, dear _

_I'd lose my tongue to talk, dear_

_No whispers in the dark, dear_

_For you I would_

_And if you, dear_

_Found my words were unclear_

_And my voice you can't hear_

_For you I would_

_Write you a poem_

_Just to let you know_

_I would write you a poem, my love_

_For you, dear_

_I'd lose my legs to walk, dear_

_No footprints in the chalk, dear_

_For you I would_

_And it's true, dear_

_If your demons are near_

_And you're drowning in tears_

_For you I would_

_Build you a boat_

_Just to keep you afloat_

_I would build you a boat, my love_

She took a deep breath when she finished the song. If Quinn She smiled to herself as she felt Quinn roll closer to her and whisper a _thank you_, but she couldn't help the frown that appeared when she remembered all the reasons she shouldn't be smiling. It was clear that Quinn had a serious dependence on some type of drug. Worse, maybe she'd become addicted to the needle itself. Rachel had heard horror stories about people who became more addicted to the needle than the drug. _Intervention really should be a bit less informative._

Rachel wasn't sure if she should tell someone or keep it to herself. Maybe she should try to help Quinn? Did her father know? Did her mother know? Rachel's mind became overwhelmed and began working double time to make up for her stress and confusion. She was only able to stop thinking about the terrible situation Quinn was in when she heard a knock at the door. She considered waking the now sleeping form next to and telling her to deal with it- it is her house after all- but then decided she didn't have the heart. She walked down the stairs carefully trying to avoid the debris and cautiously made her way to the door. When she opened it, the person on the other side looked as if he'd been slapped.

"Who are you? What are you doing in this house?" He shifted uncomfortably and looked around while muttering to himself "Fuck. Am I at the right house?" He suddenly stepped very close to Rachel. "Is this Q's house? Q lives here right? I need to see her. Now." Everything about the man was abrupt and shady.

"Look. _Q_ is asleep. So you're just gonna have to come back some other time." She could tell the guy was fucked up and this definitely wasn't the type of person that Quinn needed to be around.

"Please. It's important. She was supposed to meet up with me tonight." He looked distraught and for a split second Rachel wondered if Quinn had slept with the 30 something year old man in front of her.

"Sh-" She was cut off when he suddenly ran past her into the house. She took off after him up the stairs and found him sitting by Quinn on the bed.

"Come on, girl. I got some for ya. Just wake up. I need you to go with me. Come on, our girl's not doing too good. I need you to wake up." The way he spoke to Quinn and caressed her face as she slept made Rachel feel like an intruder. In some extremely sick way, the moment was touching. She had never heard of Quinn even allowing someone to treat her that way. She was always so closed off. And yet here Rachel was. Watching some 30 year old guy gently shake her awake with sweet words and gentle touches.

"That's my girl. Rise and shine! All the other chickens have been fed!" He was very animated and seemed to laugh at his statement referring to chickens. Rachel couldn't help but be confused. _Is there some type of joke I'm not getting?_

He waited for her to sit up and become a bit more coherent. "How are you feelin'? I got some for ya. We need to go though. Kacey's really sick." He looked pointedly at Rachel to signal Quinn that she needed to get rid of her.

Quinn looked down after offering a brief look of remorse in the brunettes direction before whispering into the man's ear and walking towards her. "Rachel. I think it might be a good idea if you left."

"No. I'm not leaving you here. Not after today. Don't make me leave."

"I'm going to be honest with you, Rachel. I'm about to…do something, and I am begging you to leave. Because if you stay… you're going to see some things. Things that you can't just forget about. You'll see some really fucked up shit." Rachel could hear the strain in her voice.

"I don't care. I'm not leaving. I promised you remember?"

"Forget about the promise, Rach! This is not what you want! You need to get the f-"

"Hey. Don't talk to her like that, Q. She's just worried about you." He stood next to Quinn before addressing Rachel with a huge grin. "I'm Jack by the way. And… Quinn. We can always have her leave the room."

"I don't want her here, Jack. I don't…" She sighed and allowed the room to draw their own conclusions.

Jack spoke. " You don't want her to see…you get high? Or you be high?"

"Both. She just found out and this is really awkward for me. She's seen me high before, but not… she didn't know then."

"Maybe you should let her see. Let her know what she's getting herself into. Either I stay and you do it, or I go and you don't. I don't see her leaving you anytime soon."

"Oh my god. Can we not talk about me like I'm not in the room?!" Rachel rolled her eyes. _I should leave. I should leave. This is not where I belong. This is not my world. I need Liza. I need Barbara. And Wicked. And… Julie Andrews. Not some junkie. _Rachel almost slapped herself when she caught her own thought. How could she possibly think of Quinn that way? Addict or not… Needle user or not. Needle Junkie was a heavy term, and she knew that if she said it to Quinn it would break the girl. So, she immediately felt on the spot. As if the other two knew exactly what was going through her mind.

"Fine." Quinn walked out into the hallway and down the stairs. By the time the other two entered the kitchen she'd settled on the counter and opened one of the drawers. She grabbed a spoon along with a lighter. "Will be need to heat it or is the acidity tolerable?"

"It's good. Best I've made in a while actually." He took off his belt and handed it to Quinn before taking out a small baggie and dipping the spoon into it. "I'm takin' you right to the edge and droppin your ass off, girl." His laugh was somewhat sinister. "Where's your rigs?" She pointed to a lock box on the counter and he took one out. "You wanna set it up or you want me to do it?"

Quinn grabbed the spoon half filled with white dust and added water that she had pulled up in the syringe. The way she devoted such diligent attention to what she was doing made Rachel curious as to what it felt like.

Would Quinn ever pay attention to her that way?

Eventually Quinn pulled the thick and clear looking liquid up into the rig and handed it over to Jack. "Rachel. You can stay and watch. Or you can leave. Just remember that…" Quinn sighed and asked jack to leave the room for a second before beckoning Rachel with a finger. When Rachel got close, she pulled her closer so that she was standing between her legs, and in act of complete affection, kissed the brunettes temple. "You don't deserve to see this, Rachel. You deserve better than me." The look in her eyes made Rachel blush. _She knows._

She echoed one of Quinn's earlier statements. "You don't know what I deserve."

Quinn let out a sorrowful laugh, "You definitely don't deserve someone like me. Rachel, the shit that I've done would disgust you. It disgusts me. You're bound for Broadway. At best, I'm headed for a burial plot somewhere in Lima within the next 10 years. Death at a young age is inevitable for me."

Rachel pulled her closer and leaned her head against the girl's shoulder. "Why can't you just not do it? Why can't you just lay down and go back to sleep? Please… I'm not beneath begging." Quinn had a look that she couldn't quite decipher.

"I don't know what's up with me and singing today, but I blame you" She wrapped her arms tightly around the standing girl and began to sing softly. The first thing Rachel noticed was how bluesy Quinn's voice was now.

_Where is the ritual?_

_And tell me where, where is the taste?_

_Where is the sacrifice?_

_And tell me where, where is the faith?_

_Someday there'll be a cure for pain_

_That's the day I throw my drugs away_

_When they find a cure for pain._

_Where is the cave where the wise woman went?_

_And tell me where, where's all that money that I spent?_

_I propose a toast_

_To my self control_

_You see it crawlin' helpless on the floor._

Rachel's heart broke at the sorrow that poured from Quinn's lungs and into her soul. What had happened that was so bad? What was so painful that left Quinn no other way to survive?

Quinn released a breath she hadn't meant to hold. It had been so long since Rachel had heard her sing and she wasn't aware that her voice was too rough to sing until it had been too late. She was slightly embarrassed so she just folded herself around Rachel and buried her face in her hair. _Time to be selfless for once in my miserable fucking life. God, she smells like Pumpkin Pie._

Quinn took in a deep breath full of the brunette's scent and kissed her cheek before pulling back. She looked at Rachel affectionately and gently caressed a tear stained cheek before speaking. "I'm so sorry, Rach. I wish I could say that I want to stop, but I've tried, and you have no idea what it's like for me to live without this. There's just too many memories worming around inside of my head and I can't take it. I can't take the guilt or the pain. I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be. I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through. I know that I've hurt you. I've done some extremely cruel things to you, but I refuse to lie to you about this. I refuse to let you think I might choose you over… well. Meth. Morphine. Heroine… whatever I can get my hands on. I'm a lost cause, Rachel. I've been lost since I was twelve years old and my mother started shoving diet pills down my throat. I might be a terrible person, but I'm not doing this to you. I'm not taking away that shine in your eyes. I'm not letting you see the darkest parts of me. I know you love me. I'm not _so_ fucking out of it that I can't see the way you look at me. But you deserve better than I will ever be able to even attempt to give you. I'm not good enough for you, and you need to come to terms with that, Rachel. I'll probably die with a needle in my arm before I turn 30. I can't allow you to be around when it happens."

She could tell that Quinn was searching her for signs of a reaction, but her mind was numb. What was she supposed to do with this information? Quinn obviously had some kind of feelings for her. If she didn't, she wouldn't care, right? Maybe Quinn was just trying to get rid of her. No. No, that wasn't it. Because there was no way that she could feel so much for Quinn and her feel nothing back.

_Maybe she's lying. Maybe things really aren't that bad. Maybe she's just being dramatic. Yeah… dramatic. _It was then that Rachel caught a glimpse of the needle and spoon on the counter. She felt as if someone suddenly turned Gravity on high. Suddenly, Rachel couldn't care less about how she felt for the blonde. _Before 30? Will she really die that young? Oh, god. Will it even take that long? What if she dies tomorrow? What if she dies today. _Rachel became increasingly frantic until she was pacing the living room with her mind full of images of funerals and strong smelling flowers.

When she finally saw the situation for what it was, she turned to the blonde with teary eyes and whispered. "I really hope I never have to go to your funeral."

Without another word, she walked outside and got into her car. She sat with her hands on the steering wheel for at least 20 minutes before she finally cranked up and pulled out of the drive.

By the time she got back to her own home, her fathers were sitting on the couch waiting for her.

Hiram spoke first. "Mr. Shue called. Why weren't you in all of your classes today?"

When she didn't immediately respond, Leroy stood up and walked towards her. "Are you okay, Baby? You look a little shaken up?"

"What did someone steal your solo? That's no ex-"

"Hush, Hiram. She looks like she's about to faint. Come here. Sit down on the couch and let's talk." When she finally walked from the hallway into the living room and sat down, her Daddy (Leroy) placed an arm around her.

"I walked in on a student trying to shoot up drugs today in the bathroom."

They were all shocked at what she had said.

"Holy shit. Are you serious?"

"No, Hiram. She's joking." Leroy shook his head at his husband. Something was off with him today. "Who was it? Did you tell a teacher?"

After much debate, Rachel decided to tell her fathers what had transpired since she walked in on Quinn in the bathroom. Maybe it would help ease her mind.

"Rachel Barbara Berry, I cannot believe you!"

"What? What did I do?" He eyes were as wide as dinner plates. Was her daddy actually accusing her of this being her fault?

"You just left? After saying that? My God. How terrible Quinn must feel right now…"

Finally Hiram had something helpful to say. "I know that you were probably just in shock or trying to protect yourself, Sweetie, but think about it from her perspective. You're the only person who has actually tried to be there for her and help her. Even if she didn't let you. Maybe you didn't know what was going on until today but you're probably the only one at the high school who thought enough of her to actually speak to her. She's had a lot of people leave her alone in her life. Maybe what she needs to help her quit using is someone who cares enough to stay."

"She told me she wanted me to leave, and I can't just be there and watch her do drugs! I don't want to see her do that to herself. What if she dies?" Her lip started to tremble.

Leroy was the next to speak. "Hunnie, he's not saying that you should have stayed and let her do it in front of you. He's just saying that you should have maybe said something a bit more tactful and compassionate before leaving her there. People in her situation need people who care about what's best for them. Do something to help her."

"What should I do? What can I do? Tell her father? I'm sure he either knows or wouldn't care. He's never around. He probably hasn't been in town for months. Should I tell the school? What If she gets expelled?" Then an idea finally struck her. "Should I try to convince her to go to rehab?"

Hiram spoke with knowledge. "That might be a good start. After an apology. You have to approach this very gently, Rachel. She'll be defensive, even though she's told you she can't quit, she'll most likely try to convince you otherwise. Imagine that you told someone you could never stop watching Funny Girl and then they challenged you and try to convince you to go somewhere that won't allow you to watch it. What would you do?"

"Insist that I could stop whenever I wanted to in order to avoid a situation where I wouldn't be allowed the choice." It was then she realized that Quinn would be fighting for drugs while Rachel fought for Quinn. "This is going to be hard isn't it?"

Leroy sighed. "Exhausting, devastating, heart breaking… you name it. Just remember, we're not saying that you should be her crutch or that you should enable her by continuing to be there for her. If it goes too far and it starts stressing you too much to be there for her, you'll know. Don't let it go a single step further, Babygirl."

They both wrapped her up in a tight hug. Eventually they would both have to explain why they had so much advice to give her.

"I'm going to go ahead and go back to her house. Maybe I can catch her before she leaves." They nodded and said their _I love yous _as she walked out the door.

* * *

Rachel took a deep breath as she stepped up onto the porch.

*knock knock knock

"No answer. Fuck."

*knock knock knock

"Quinn are you in there?!"

She knocked again, but as soon as she heard a thud come from upstairs she burst into the house and ran up to Quinn's room.

She could feel that something wasn't right and she feared the worst.

The sight that lay before her on Quinn's bedroom floor caused her to vomit. She had fallen out of her chair and was lying there with a loose belt around her bicep and the needle still hanging out of her arm. The girl wasn't moving.

"Quinn..." Rachel shook her repeatedly and eventually slapped her. "Baby, wake up!"

When Rachel reached into her pocket for her phone, she realized she'd left it at her house. "Fuck. Where's your phone?" She started running around Quinn's room and finally found it on her bed. She dialed 911

"911. What's your emergency?"

"I'm at 207 West River Road. I think my friend just overdosed on drugs." She was frantically grasping at Quinn and took the needle out of her arm and the belt off. Surely Quinn wouldn't want people to see her like that.

"Okay, ma'am. I need you to check her pulse and see if she's breathing while I dispatch an ambulance."

Rachel began searching for a pulse but had a hard time finding one. "It's barely there. Her heart's barely beating." Rachel put the phone and speaker and sat it down. She gently caressed Quinn's cheek and began to cry.

"Okay , and what's your name?"

"Rachel. Rachel Berry."

"Okay, Rachel. Is your friend breathing?"

"Her name is Quinn." Rachel checked to see if she could feel and air coming from Quinn. "And no. No she isn't." Rachel started to cry harder, but somehow managed to pull herself together just enough to really pay attention the woman on the phone.

"Do you know how to administer CPR?"

Rachel immediately sprung into action.


	2. Slowly, Suddenly

AN: I know this took forever and that it's short, and I do apologize. I've suddenly been thrown into working 60 hours a week and haven't had much time to even breathe. Things will be shaky for the next few chapters. Rachel and Quinn will both be dealing with a lot. But hang in there. It gets better. Promise:)

Reviews are much appreciated:)

* * *

Chapter 2: Slowly, Suddenly

She knew where she was before she opened her eyes. That sickly clean smell every hospital gives off was unmistakable to her at this point. She could hear a shift somewhere in the room and resisted the urge to lick her lips. Whoever it was, they were close, and she wanted them to think she was asleep. The last thing she wanted to deal with at a time like this was someone else's emotions.

When she heard a sniffle she tried to control her breathing more. Surely it wasn't her father. She's never once seen her father cry.

"I want to act outraged right now. I want to scream at you and ask if you know how it feels to be afraid that the person in your arms is going to die, but I'm too afraid that maybe you've had someone actually die in your arms." Definitely not her father.

"Of course, even if you have, I would demand that you don't know how it feels to be me with you in my arms. You don't know how it feels to be me, someone who has loved you from a distance since elementary school and who thinks of you and worries about you constantly on an extremely unhealthy level, to suddenly be faced with the very real possible death of you in my arms. You have no idea how it feels to love you this much."

Quinn realized that she couldn't let Rachel continue for moral reasons. She was the cause for what was quite possibly the most traumatic experience in the young girl's life. _Might as well face the music now. Maybe even literally. _She resisted the urge to groan before opening her eyes to see Rachel's forehead pressed into the hospital bed. She gently tangled her fingers in dark hair and ran her fingers back and forth across the girl's scalp. The bed started to shake from Rachel's sobs and Quinn did her best to hold back her own.

Once Rachel was able to calm down, she sat up and looked deep into Quinn's watery eyes. "Why?"

She couldn't resist rolling her eyes at the question. "Why? Rachel, I didn't overdose on purpose."

Rachel's face was set and serious. "Don't even. Don't even try to act like you don't know what I mean."

It was true. She was trying to change the subject. It would be easier to have any other conversation. "I'm guessing you're asking why I let it get this far? I mean, I am a control freak, so that's not necessarily an unwarranted question." Rachel nodded. "I didn't. Simple as that. I didn't _let _it get this far. It happened. Slowly… and then… suddenly. As if it had been happening every day of my life since I was born and I'd somehow failed to notice it." She turned her head to try and avoid the scrutiny she knew must be in the girl's eyes. "I don't want to talk about this. Not right now."

"Why not now? There may never be another time. Please, Quinn, talk to me. After everything…" She trailed off in search of a way to describe what had happened the previous evening. She failed. "All I'm asking is that you talk to me. Please, help me understand. I want to understand you." The blonde dared to look into the girl's eyes and was shocked upon seeing the amount of desperation in her eyes. She's been around hardcore drug addicts for quite a while. She's seen some serious desperation, but this was different. It was a more honest need. She _desperately needed_ to know.

It was during her search for a reason why she should give into Rachel's request that she realized what the girl had been saying before she opened her eyes.

Rachel had been the one to find her. Rachel managed to find her in time. Without Rachel she would be dead. She owed her much more than an explanation. _Fuck me. I think I'd rather have died._

"It's not cut and dry Rachel. I didn't wake up and decide to start shooting up drugs. Yet, at the same time, it seemed like a logical progression, ya know? We all start somewhere… We all end somewhere. I started with smoking weed. Weed wasn't enough so I kept going. Drinking wasn't enough so I kept going. Coke wasn't enough so…. I'm sure you get it at this point." She shook her head back and forth to try and clear the nauseas fog that began to cloud her mind. "It's like, when I'm not using, I have this thing inside of me that settles just beneath my skin. It drives me insane and makes me question everything. I hate people and then I love them and then I hate them again. My mind can never be made up. I can't decide on anything and I know that seems stupid, but that's just how it started. Extreme frustration. I just wanted to feel normal, to feel okay. Eventually, it got the point where I never felt normal. But when I'm high, everything disappears. The pain, confusion, loneliness… it's all gone with a single hit. I think about it, but I never have to really feel it when I'm high. I can breathe. With meth it's like it consumes you. It reworks your brain and …" Her trail off ended in a cough and an awkward glance around the room.

"Rachel… why aren't there people freaking out around me about an underage kid overdosing on heroin in Lima? Shouldn't they be…"

"Quinnie, you're up."

"Oh my god… Mom? Why are you even here?" She sat up straighter and pulled away from Rachel a bit.

"You're friend called me." The woman glanced pointedly in Rachel's direction.

"What the fuck?" Quinn's eyes bulged towards Rachel as if they themselves were the ones reaching for answers.

"Funny thing actually… my daddy used to work with your mom. Apparently they kept in touch after she left." She flinched when Quinn yanked away from what she meant to be a comforting touch.

Her glare was deadly. "So, I'm guessing your fathers know also. My God, Berry. Can't you ever keep your fucking mouth shut?"

"Lucy! How dare you speak to her that way?" Quinn groaned loudly and covered her face with her blankets. She turned away just as her mother approached her bedside.

Judy turned to Rachel. "Honey, I think it's time you go home. My daughter and I have a lot to talk about."

"Yes ma'am." Rachel stood to leave and was caught off guard by the hug that the older woman pulled her into. "Oh, okay."

As she walked towards the door, Judy spoke, "I'll be in touch with you and let you know what happens." There was another loud groan before Judy spoke again. "Oh, hush. Now is not the time to moan and groan. Sit up and face your mother."

Rachel hurried out before she heard anything else and refused to leave the room. Shouldn't her mother be sweet to her? She'd almost died. Shouldn't that incite a little compassion?

* * *

Rachel walked straight into the living room and plopped down on the couch. "How is it even possible for so much to happen within twenty-four hours? Shouldn't the universe be preoccupied with some other small town by now?"

Hiram took a deep breath. "I hate to be so blunt, but shit happens. At least you were there to save her."

"I'm just overwhelmed. My mind is reeling. I seriously almost stopped at McDonald's on the way home." She hated to admit it, but after everything that had happened, she'd figured the world would just go ahead and end if she ate a burger.

"It's going to be okay. You know that right? Quinn will get the help she needs." Hiram was busying himself with one of his case files. "I deal with this every day. Addicts can get clean and stay clean. If she works for it and she has a good support network, she will be fine. Try not to worry too much."

"Dad. You're kidding right? Try not to worry too much? There has to be some better advice that you can give me. Why are you being so weird?"

Hiram sighed and took off his glasses. "Maybe you should talk to your Daddy about this. Tell him I said it's okay."

Rachel quirked a brow in confusion. "Okay.. Is he home yet?"

He shook his head before putting his glasses back on. "He's grocery shopping. Call him if there's anything you need."

Rachel went up to her room wondering what he wanted her daddy to talk to her about. What was she unaware of within their family? They'd always been honest with her about things. Full disclosure and all that.

She stood at the foot of her bed in contemplation for what seemed like hours before settling on what to do next. _I need sleep more than a talk right now. _She unceremoniously fell onto her bed and passed out within minutes.

* * *

Quinn took a deep breath and willed away the nausea. It was all too much. Every single thing about the world was working it's way into her gut and eating away at her like a pack of wild coyotes. The sound of nurses in the hallway, the slight beep coming from one of the machines hooked up to her, and the silence were all deafening and unsettling in individual ways. The sunlight coming in through the window was burning her skin through the blanket and the ice water she'd been drinking hours earlier was freezing her from the inside out. She wanted something, anything to make the pain stop. She needed some dope. She wanted to feel okay again.

Then again, Quinn Fabray wanted a lot of things.

She wanted to beat her high score on Pac Man. She wanted to collect every color pen and duct tape available in the world and decorate an entire room with it. She wanted to breathe a sober breath and be happy about it. She wanted to go to college. She wanted someone to love. Most of all, she wanted to love herself.

Quinn could fill the Pacific with the things she wanted, but she could hardly fill her palm with those that she could actually see herself getting.

A large part of her was hoping that her body would be unable to handle the detox. If she just went ahead and died, she wouldn't be forced to deal with everything that was looming over her. The guilt, shame, disappointment, mental and emotional taxation of the "recovery process" would be irrelevant. You can't suffer from something you'll never have to live to experience. In reality, she was aware that detox wouldn't kill her, but the hope that it would led her mind somewhere else entirely. _Rachel._

What would it mean to Rachel if Quinn decided to just end it? Of course, Quinn wouldn't have to deal with it if she did make that decision, but would Rachel be able to handle it? Would the beautiful singer be able to just bounce back or would it really mean something? Would it fuck her up for life or merely give her something to draw from during an audition for some Broadway show?

Quinn let out another loud groan. She almost couldn't believe the extent of her own selfishness. How could Rachel ever actually love _her? _She only loved the idea of Quinn, whatever her idea was.

A brief thought related to Rachel's pain upon finding her dying on the floor passed through her mind. She didn't even consider it enough for it to be classified as a complete thought before a guttural scream dripping with emotional turmoil ripped itself from her throat.

The room was suddenly filled with nurses as well as her mother. When she looked up at Judy, the floodgates failed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Her words started off softly and ended in desperate pleas. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!"

Quinn sobbed openly into her mother's shirt before exhaustion took over. She dreamt of a world in which she'd changed.

* * *

please review and let me know what you think!


	3. Family Secrets

AN: I'm sorry for the wait y'all. I know it sucks to have to wait. Updates should be coming much more often though. I'm finally back to a normal work week! I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it right now.

Enjoy! And remember… the more reviews I get, the sooner you guys get an update. Indulge me. lol

Chapter 3: Family Secrets

* * *

Rachel awoke to the smell of what she knew to be her favorite stir fry and did her best not to tumble down the stairs in excitement.

"Dad, Daddy, what's the occasion?"

Leroy was the first to speak. "Well, sweetie, I think it's time that some things come out into the open. Sit down and let us fix you a plate." Once the table was set and they were all sitting in front of fully stacked bowls of delicious tofu stir fry, he spoke again. "Rachel, do you remember how your dad and I met?"

"Of course, at a birthday party for one of your friends. You'd come in from Columbus and you and Dad had a few mutual friends at the party."

"That's mostly right. Except it wasn't a birthday party, it was a birthday celebration." Hiram elaborated upon seeing the look of confusion on his daughter's face, "It's something they do in Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous to celebrate clean time."

They could see the information start to settle in as her eyebrows rose. "So, you're both…" she trailed off.

"No, Sweetie. I'm not an addict. I was there supporting a friend. But that's how I met your Dad." Leroy glanced lovingly at his husband. "He was going through a bit of a rough patch."

"What your Daddy means is that I was actually high when we met. But somehow, with a few words, he changed my life and I started committing myself to the program."

"What did he say? Can you remember?" Rachel was shocked and curious to say the least, but it did explain a lot in the way of alcohol never being allowed in the house. She could remember Leroy screaming at Uncle Marcus when he brought a bottle of wine with him to dinner one night.

She couldn't help but smile when she saw her Dad blush. "Do I remember? Do I remember? Of course, I remember. Those words saved my life." He reached over and tangled his fingers with his savior's before continuing. "You've been doing drugs for fifteen years. You've lost your job, your house, your family, friends, a few of your teeth and maybe even your dog. You've been coming to these meetings for a month and I'm sure you have over ten numbers you can call day or night if you're ever in need of anything, you have people who will feed you, clothe you, shelter you and support you. You have everything that you need. So, tell me Hiram, what good have the drugs done for you? Other than bringing you into these rooms?"

Rachel breathed out, "Wow. Why was I never told about any of this?" She looked questioningly between her fathers. "It is kind of my business right? I am a part of this family. Am I the only one who doesn't know?"

Leroy spoke, "Of course it is your business, sweetheart. Addiction is just something that's very personal and extremely hard to understand. We wanted to make sure that you were old enough to really understand the depth of it all before we actually talked with you about it. To be honest, your Dad also wanted to protect you from it. Don't you remember us taking you to meetings when you were a little girl? We used to take you constantly."

Hiram's face fell at the idea that his daughter may not recall some of his fondest memories he shared with her.

She let the wheels in her mind start turning. Did she remember? After sitting in silence for nearly ten minutes, it hit her. She did remember. All of those _parties_ and cookouts and rooms where everyone would sit in a circle and talk while she would play in the middle. She did remember. Suddenly, she remembered a face and let out a small gasp.

"Mr. and Mrs. Fabray."

* * *

Quinn reasoned that sometimes the only thing left to do is scream. After sitting through a discussion consisting mostly of apologies between her and her mother, it was all she could think to do. Only, she wasn't sure where to find the energy to force the frustration from her vocal chords so, she did the next logical thing. She questioned. "Why did you leave? I needed you." She wasn't entirely sure that she wanted the answer, but, in theory, the answer could be so alleviating.

"I had to leave. I didn't really have any choice in the matter." The defeated look in her mother's eyes told her that she was probably telling the truth, but she couldn't help but be angry. How dare she act helpless when she left her _child_ behind?

"Bullshit, Mom. You could've taken me with you. It's not like Dad wanted me around." She rolled her eyes at her own mention of the man who hadn't even so much as checked on her after finding out what had happened.

"Quinnie, we all have our demons. I was wrestling mine and… well, your father just kept giving into his."

"I'm feeling way too shitty to sit here and try to figure out what that means. Just get to the point. Give me facts. I can't handle much else right now."

"Fine. You want facts, Quinn? Your father and I both struggle with addictions. He, as you know, is a fiercely intense alcoholic, but I tended to gravitate towards things more… up _your_ alley. Or shall I say you gravitate towards those more up mine? It's not as black and white as you want it to be, Quinn. I didn't leave because I didn't love you. I left because I loved myself. And it won't be long until you figure out what that's all about." Her slight smile told Quinn that she was in for one hell of a ride.

"What do you mean?"

"Narcotics Anonymous. You have no choice. You will be going to meetings. Alone or with an escort, I don't care, but you will be going. Or would you rather go to Rehab?"

"Rehab. Definitely Rehab." She was shocked at what her mother had to say next.

"Well, tough shit. You're father's informed me that he's already tried sending you to that one place in Columbus, so you'll be entering Family Rehab."

"What the fuck is _Family Rehab_?"

Judy let out a chuckle. "Oh, you'll see."

* * *

_So, Quinn's parents are addicts. I guess that explains all the craziness that went on in that family. _She shook her head when she realized what she was saying. Her dad was an addict and nothing too crazy ever happened in _her_ family.

Rachel walked over towards her window and opened it before climbing out onto the roof. It was her spot. Nothing could touch her there. All of the pain from the bullies at school, her fears about not making it on Broadway, and the way that her heart seemed to palpitate when she was near Quinn…. It was all irrelevant. Nothing mattered when she was lying on her back counting the infinite number of stars that painted themselves upon the earth's ceiling. She felt so little at times like these; like the world was spinning and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Which was _exactly_ the truth. Rachel had never felt so at ease.

She was able to keep calm by singing a few of her favorite songs, but eventually reality set in. How was she so unaware of the world around her? How could such terrible things happen and her just not know? Sure, she saw that something had been wrong with Quinn, and had even guessed correctly as to what the issue was, but she was so clueless to everything else. Quinn had always seemed to have the perfect family until her mother left. They were the picture perfect Christian Republicans of Lima. Where had things gone wrong? Would they go wrong with her? So many people in her general vicinity seemed to be struggling with this one thing. Black, white, Jewish, Christian, democrat, republican, young, old… it was clear that it could happen to anyone. She ended up at a point where she was actually fearing for her own well being.

But then thoughts of what Quinn would do began to creep their way into her brain. What if Quinn gave up? What if she refused to even try? The brunette couldn't bare to think of the pain the blonde must be going through. Rachel had only glimpsed the emotion that, she was sure, was just overflow. Who knew how much Quinn had buried within her? Would the support that Quinn had available to her be enough, or would she just keep using?

Her eyes were stinging with tears.

What was she supposed to do? Was she supposed to just wait and let Quinn do whatever, or was she supposed to make sure Quinn knew how she felt and that she was waiting for Quinn to take the next step by getting clean? Would that be too much pressure or would it even matter to the blonde?

She shuddered at the thought of everything that Quinn already had to deal with, and selfishly wondered if Quinn would ever be prepared for a relationship with her. Never mind want one.

She couldn't help but to recall the first time she'd tried to show Quinn how she felt.

"_Mr. Schue! I have something to sing!" You could hear a resounding sigh throughout the choir room. She hated how they teased her, and today she might've given up if it wasn't for the person she wanted to sing to._

_This was Quinn's first Glee meeting and Rachel had been practicing this song for ages to ensure that it would be perfect for the first chance she got to sing it in front of Quinn. To Quinn. She took a deep breath in an effort to calm her nerves but only seemed to breathe in more._

"_Rachel, how about we do a group number? We have some new members and I think we should show them what Glee is all about." He tried to smile in a way that would make Rachel understand his point but he failed drastically._

"_I completely agree, Mr. Schue! Right after I sing this song." _

"_Berry, just drop it. Jesus Christ." Rachel couldn't help but be hurt by Finn's comment. Although, she was more embarrassed than hurt. He'd been sitting next to Quinn with his arm over her shoulders._

_She burned with envy._

_After her failed attempt to woo Quinn ( surely the girl would've fallen head over heels for Rachel as soon as she heard her sing) she tuned out for the rest of the meeting. Her pride was aching and she hated herself for it. Any other time she would've muscled through and gotten her way, but she was just too embarrassed. _

_She was the last out the door and overheard Finn and Quinn talking as she neared the corner._

"_Why do you have to be such an asshole?"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Rachel was trying to sing. You didn't have to say that to her. You were being an asshole."_

_Finn laughed heartily. "Oh my God. Are you serious? This coming from the girl who sanctions weekly slushies to be thrown on her? Are you serious? That's totally worse. Stop being a hyp….whatever. You know what I mean."_

"_Shut up, Finn! It's different. Glee… Glee is Rachel's. It belongs to her. It's her thing. Just like Cheerios is mine and football is yours. Glee is Rachel's. Why would you want to take something like that away from someone?"_

"_You know what… I'm done with this. I don't even really understand what's going on right now. You're acting insane." _

_Rachel peeked around the corner and saw Finn leaving in the opposite direction. Quinn turned and caught her gaze. A brief blushed swam over her cheeks.._

"_Berry."_

"_Quinn, I'm not sure what to say. Thank you, I guess." She took slow steps in the blonde's direction._

"_Don't. I was just curious to hear you sing and it aggravated me that Finn cut you off."_

_Rachel's smile grew. "I can sing for you now if you like?" She was only slightly saddened by the fact that Quinn began searching the hallways for signs of life. "We can go back into the choir room. No one else is here." She took one small step into what she was sure Quinn deemed as her personal space and spoke with possibly a bit too much emotion. "Please, Quinn. Let me sing for you."_

"_O-okay." Quinn put her eyes on the floor and shuffled towards the choir room with Rachel close behind._

Rachel was shaken from her thoughts by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway.


End file.
